Speaking

I do not like getting up in front of people in church whether it's to read a scripture, say a prayer, help a child with a Primary talk, share a testimony, or give a talk. It has always been a huge hurdle for me. I would always get very nervous about it. My hands would sweat, my voice would quiver, and my knees would shake. In all of my married life at our old house I gave a talk two times. The first time was when we moved in, and the second time was when the boundaries were realigned and we were put with a new ward. Since then, I developed a huge aversion to speaking. I would not and flat-out refused to speak in church. Two bishoprics knew that I do not speak in church. They knew not to ask because it just wouldn't happen. Even the stake presidency knew that I don't speak in church.

About 3 years ago my attitude shifted ever so slightly. It started when I first attended Women's Conference at BYU. My testimony was so incredibly strengthened that I felt that I needed to share it, and that I did. It was difficult and my legs shook and tears flowed. The following year, I put off sharing my testimony after Women's Conference. Instead I got up the Sunday we blessed Colton and bore my testimony. My whole family was there so I wanted to get up because I don't think any of them have ever heard my testimony. I did it and survived. Then, just before Women's Conference and our move, I got up and bore my testimony. The thing that got me up there that time was that my institute teacher, Sis. Gardener, had spoken about testimony bearing and that it only takes 30 seconds to bear your testimony. That stuck with me and I convinced myself that I could get up there for 1 minute and share my testimony.

The neat thing about each experience is that every time I got up, my testimony was strengthened. It was uncomfortable, but I did it.

So, once we moved in to our new house, sure enough, we were asked to speak in church. I didn't want to. I was able to get it pushed back a couple of weeks, but was not able to get out of it.

Throughout the week, I listened to the conference talk (which I was asked to speak about) about 5 times and read it just as many. I procrastinated slightly and couldn't start writing the talk. So, for our date night, after Eric and I hadn't been able to write our talks, we went to dinner and then to a park where we worked on our talks. The weather was nice and the park was beautiful. I found many distractions, but was finally able to get a good outline of the talk written. I typed it up Saturday and made a few changes Sunday morning.

Through it all, I wasn't worried (except for the brief stomachache Sunday morning). Eric kept on trying to give me a hard time about it all. I brushed his comments off because I felt unusually calm about it all. I got up and gave my talk. I felt really good about it all and did a lot better than I could have hoped for.

I'm not quite sure why I have done a complete 180 with regards to speaking in church, but it is so strange and amazing! I really do think that it came from me realizing that every time I have gotten up to bear my testimony, that it has been strengthened. I also believe that I have learned that my testimony can get me through anything. It's a very weird attitude change and scary too (considering I don't have a calling yet).